


What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Too Charming

by Anonymous



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Bliss, Established Relationship, Humor, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Minor Violence, Pheromones, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Translation, minor injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 13:26:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14497953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “That’s also what I thought, but Percy, he,” Newt paused, searching for the right words “Percy, he, he’s a little different. He has this, this irresistible quality-” Newt stopped again, at a loss for the correct words to describe his situation. “It’s not that there’s anything wrong with him, he’s actually almost perfect. But for some reason, when you’re with him, even if you’re just talking normally, he makes you feel as if you’d do anything to be held in his arms. Which is odd, especially for me,” he added, “since I’m the taller one.”Tina honestly thought that the latter half was a wee bit too much information. “Are you sure it’s not just because you’re in a relationship?” She asked.Queen chuckled, “Of course not, Tina. He’s been attracted to Graves, even before they started dating. But this time he’s wondering if the source of his troubles is because Graves’ excessive pheromones. Right, sweetie?”Percival Graves must have some sort of overabundance of pheromones, according to Newt Scamander. Why else would he feel all woozy and distracted around Graves all the time? He needs some serious help.





	What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Too Charming

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [男朋友太会撩怎么办](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/377253) by e_e_void. 



> There will be translation footnotes at the bottom for those interested! Enjoy~

In the streets of New York City, there was a popular bakery filled with bread and pastries baked in the most spectacular, one-of-a-kind shapes. The bakery sold out daily and travelers come from afar seeking after their mouthwatering wares. However, for a couple of random days each month, the proprietor, Jacob Kowalski, would hang a ‘Closed for Business’ sign in the window, much to the disappointment of the unlucky few who happen to visit at that time.

On those days, if the sun was shining and the weather permitted, in the small garden behind the bakery Jacob would set up a square table, one just big enough for four people to sit closely and have a friendly chat. He’d first cover the table with a plain table cloth, then arrange the plates and cutlery, and finally bring out a three tiered cake stand, stacked with a variety of delicate and beautiful desserts arranged on fine china, accompanied with a pot of bergamot black tea. At the beginning of May, the flowers that he had planted together with Queenie would be lovely in their height of bloom.

After everything was set up and the temperature of the tea was just right, the doorbell chimed crisply, and Queenie, a pretty blonde with a charming smile, arrived with her older sister Tina. She shot a sugary sweet smile at Jacob, who even after all this time, still felt dazed and woozy as if stung by a billywig. He could only stare after her, a stupidly large grin on his face.

Tina watched the two fools in love, and feeling a little nauseated(1) by their overwhelming sweetness, she looked around for her long-time ally in said matters, “Where’s Newt? He usually arrives earlier than we do.”

Newt was the axis of the group of four; not only was he the original link between a muggle like Jacob to the magical world - he was also the reason for Jacob’s meeting Queenie. Jacob had prepared scones with thick layers of clotted cream and jam especially for the Brit.

Just as Tina’s words trailed off, the magizoologist apparated into their midst. Though his face was turned downwards, his reddened cheeks and flustered expression were still apparent. He stood silently for a few moments, still caught in a previous moment. After a bit, he licked his chapped lips, and offered a belated greeting, “Apologies for the lateness.”

Now, it must be said that Percival Graves, scion of the Graves family, MACUSA’s Director of Security, law enforcement officer, and Tina’s direct superior, had of late, added another title to his roster - that of being Newt Scamander’s boyfriend.

With this in mind, Tina schooled her expression and looked away from her former ally Newt towards the sky, and then glanced quickly back at his unchanged expression, then to the others, back to Newt, and finally settled on her own sister. As the only single person in their little group, she definitely did not want to know where Newt had just been, and _furthermore_ , did not want to know why his lips were swollen and bright red. No, she didn’t want to know _at all_.

Reminding herself that she was a strong, independent 20th century woman who could stand her own two feet thank-you-very-much, Tina shrugged off the cloying sweetness radiating from Queenie and Jacob (and now it seems, from Newt as well), determined not to let anything get in the way of having an enjoyable chat with her friends.

However, this time, Tina couldn’t help but notice something new: the hungry way Newt’s eyes chased each and every one of Queenie’s gestures, his expression focused as if he were studying two animals mating. (Tina really hated to use this example, but it really did fit the situation the most.) Usually the habitually shy Newt would avoid looking at any shows of intimacy at all cost, but this time it was the opposite.

When a charming smile escaped Queenie’s small cupid-bow mouth because of something Jacob said - Newt hung onto each movement with obvious interest. When Queenie reached over to grasp Jacob’s hands and leaned in to whisper sweet nothings into his ear, Newt’s brows wrinkled just a little as if from displeasure.

Alarm bells rang in Tina’s head at the scene; Queenie and Jacob were together after all, and it wasn’t unusual for them to display their affection openly, but Newt! Newt not only was in a committed relationship with his boyfriend, but said boyfriend was her _boss_ , and it would _really_ not do for Newt to be developing any inappropriate feelings for her sister on top of that.

(For a split second, the tiny rule-abiding goblin in her mind suggested: run off and tattle to Graves. Perhaps he would reward her with a vacation day in exchange?!) (2)

Tina picked up her tea cup and drank silently, squishing the tiny goblin ruthlessly, a prickle of guilt running through her. She couldn’t think of anything to say - either to rein in her sister or Newt. Just as she considered kicking Newt under the table to get his attention, Newt suddenly piped up, “Does Jacob feel like that too?”

The other three turned their gazes to him questioningly.

“That is, feel attracted to someone, to want to get closer to them,” Newt elaborated.

“Isn’t that normal between lovers?” Jacob replied, not comprehending the question.

“That’s also what I thought, but Percy, he,” Newt paused, searching for the right words “Percy, he, he’s a little different. He has this, this irresistible quality-” Newt stopped again, at a loss for the correct words to describe his situation. “It’s not that there’s anything wrong with him, he’s actually almost perfect. But for some reason, when you’re with him, even if you’re just talking normally, he makes you feel as if you’d do anything to be held in his arms. Which is odd, especially for me,” he added, “since I’m the taller one.”

Tina honestly thought that the latter half was a wee bit too much information. “Are you sure it’s not just because you’re in a relationship?” She asked.

Queen chuckled, “Of course not, Tina. He’s been attracted to Graves, even before they started dating. But this time he’s wondering if the source of his troubles is because Graves’ excessive pheromones. Right, sweetie?” (3)

“Queenie, please don’t read my mind,” Newt said without any real edge to his words.

“Oh, I’m sorry, but I really can’t help it. Your thoughts are just so loud,” Queenie replied with a helpless shrug, and continued in a reassuring tone, “What’s the problem? This is a good thing between couples. Darling,” she turned to her companion, “Would you ever get tired of me clinging to you?”

“Of course not,” Jacob answered immediately.

“That’s not the same. If it was like that, then I wouldn’t have any issue. But Percy, he -” Newt struggled for the right words, but came up empty. He switched tactics, “For example, one time, we were on the tail of some smugglers, and were quickly heading to a head on confrontation…..”

_The dark wizards disappeared around a corner and Newt hurried to follow, only to be pulled back sharply by Graves._

_“Percy?”_

_“Don’t rush in; it could be a trap,” Graves’ words were reproachful but his tone and furrowed brows indicated worry._

_“But we’ll lose them if we don’t follow,” Newt replied._

_Graves reached out to retie Newt’s scarf, which had come undone during their chase. His voice was gentle and low as he said, “Newt, you are free to go anywhere you wish, but don’t go where I can’t see you.”_

_Though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander, like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, shyly nodded._

“Wo-ow,” Queenie exclaimed, “How romantic!”

Tina fiercely tore bits off her sweet bread, tone accusatory, “So that’s why Graves didn’t show up! When I was fighting for my life on the frontlines you two were off being all romantic with each other?!”

“Sorry Tina, I’ll try to pay more attention next time,” Newt glanced at her apologetically, but continued in a distressed tone to the other two, “So does that clear it up a bit?”

“I don’t really see the problem here,” Jacob maintained, “Isn’t it normal to say things like that, especially when you’re in danger?”

“It’s not just those times,” Newt murmured, as if to himself, “There was that time with Theseus - my older brother - he showed up at our front door right after he found out I had, ah, become involved with Graves. They’ve been friends for a long time you see…”

_Newt stood in the dim, cramped shed - on his left was his boyfriend and on his right was his brother - a classic textbook image of a duel about to begin._

_“I’ve spent the entire past week processing the fact that you two are - involved - and I still can’t accept it,” Theseus’s sitting posture was tense, his hands laced together and propped on his knees, his eyes filled with intense displeasure, “Percival, why didn’t you tell me you were a homosexual?” (4)_

_“I was, after I met him.”_

_“Oh really? Even if it’ll cost you your life?”_

_“Rather,” Graves replied calmly, “To me, Newt is far more important than simply my own life.”_

_Newt flushed and looked away, but Theseus wouldn’t be deterred. He continued, asked coldly, “Then what are you, to Newt?”_

_“Me?” Graves leaned forward, steadily meeting Theseus’ gaze, his mouth tilting up into a grin, “I’m the man who loves him the most in the entire world, of course.”_

_Though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander, like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, clapped his hands over his face in embarrassment._

“Even Theseus was blushing!” In order to back up his story and prove that Graves’ effect wasn’t just limited to him, Newt didn’t hesitate to betray his older brother’s subsequent reaction. “That was the first and only time I’ve ever seen Theseus turn beet red, all the way up to his ears!”

“I get it,” Tina felt she could personally relate now. In the early days of Grindelwald’s impersonation of Graves, there had been an incident when he had leaned in close to wipe at some leftover sauce on the corner of her mouth using his own handkerchief. The gliding sensation of silk on skin still remained in her memory to this day. (5)

Graves radiated authority from every pore in his body; he carried himself as if being in command was simply his birthright. Tina felt that he only had to lift a finger and the whole department would be at his beck and call. This dominating quality invariably carried over into his dating life, and combined with a gentle touch and dulcet tones, in addition to a natural sensuality, Graves was a force to be reckoned with. And for this all-encompassing, singularly consummate charm to be focused on a single person...Tina was not surprised at Newt feeling completely overcome.

“Maybe it was because your brother was there? Maybe he wanted to ham it up for him,” Though he’d never met the man before, Jacob still thought that Graves’ actions were completely within the boundaries of normal boyfriend behavior.

Newt was already shaking his head, “No, he’s always like this. Take this for example, recently…”

_Recently MACUSA had become embroiled in a difficult and complex case, leading to Graves pulling increasingly late hours. Newt had a warm meal laid out on the table when Graves staggered through the doorway, looking like he hadn’t slept in ages, a scruffy five o’clock shadow and dark eyebags marking his fatigue. He gave a non committal greeting before making his way to the dining table, somehow managing to stay awake to finish eating, as well as inform Newt of the latest developments in the case._

_“I’ll clean up,” Newt said as he waved his wand and sent the dishes flying to the sink, “You should get to sleep first.”_

_After the dishes were clean, Newt opened the door to their bedroom and saw that Graves was already sound asleep, tucked under the sheets. However his left arm stuck out, clearly waiting for Newt to lay down and join him. The lamp he had left lit for Newt cast a warm, golden hue onto the sharp contours of his face. Newt gazed at him silently, enjoying the simple peace. After a while, he turned off the lamp and felt around in the dark as he approached the bed. Unfortunately he stumbled and caught his shin on the bedpost, going down with a loud yelp. He managed to quell his curses after a split second but the damage was done._

_“Artemis? Are you alright?” Graves mumbled drowsily, not waiting for an answer before continuing, as if to himself, “...he’s probably up to something again...” With that, he dragged himself, fumbling around for his clothing. Newt quickly assured Graves that he was completely alright, that nothing was wrong - he’d just hit his leg on the bedpost, that’s all. Upon hearing that, Graves reached over and pulled Newt closer. He relit the lamp and examined the small injury. He gently ran his fingers over it, making sure the bruise was fading before finally succumbing to his fatigue and falling back to sleep._

_This close, under the gentle flow of the dim lamp, Newt could see the fatigue written all over Graves’ face._ I really do love this man _, Newt thought as he looked at Graves’ sleeping form. He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss onto Graves’ forehead, softly bidding him ‘good night’. Then he turned off the light and snuggled into the blankets. Just as Newt was drifting off to sleep, Graves suddenly spoke his name._

_Newt turned to look at him questioningly, but though his eyes had adjusted to the dark he still couldn’t make out Graves’ expression. He felt Graves lean in, the top of his nose brushing the back of Newt’s neck, “I forgot to do something very important.”_

_Newt could feel his mind slowly clouding over and his skin tingling as the puffs of breath landed along his sensitive neck. And then Graves lips pressed against his skin, cool and light as a dragonfly alighting on the surface of a still pond. He continued, licking against his neck softly until Newt felt woozy from the rush of blood to his head._

_“Good night,” Graves said tenderly, and then as if nothing had happened, fell back in an easy sleep._

_Though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander, like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, ducked under the covers, his cheeks burning._

“I think I understand,” Tina said as she shoved doubly sweet scones into her mouth (as if the sugary sweetness could cancel out the almost nauseating sweetness from Newt’s story), “Your problem is, you’ve been completely overwhelmed by Graves’ love for you, and don’t know how to properly handle it.”

“Why don’t you just do the same to him?” Queenie asked avidly, taking a slow sip of her tea, savoring the taste as her mind turned over all the new information she was learning about Graves’ hidden side.

“I can’t seem to react, most of the time,” Newt hung his head dejectedly, his voice coming out as a whine, “As soon as Percy starts speaking I just feel all weak in the knees and my head starts spinning.” (He didn’t feel like this was at all an exaggeration.) “He’s just, too _attractive_. It’s too much for me. His _pheromones_ are too much. How do I ask him to tone it down?”

At that moment Jacob could also see that this state of events were heavily stacked against Newt. Though he had never met Graves in person, Jacob could see from the examples Newt had given, that in every situation, it was as if Newt had been cast as the female lead in a romantic film, as the role of sweet naive girl swept up in her first romantic experience and not knowing at all the kind of danger she was in.

His advice though, was simple and forthright, just like his personality, “Why don’t you talk about it with him? Since he loves you so much, he’d definitely be understanding.”

Upon that, Newt flushed even further, “I did talk to him, but…”

_As the night deepened, Graves remained in the study looking over case reports. When he noticed Newt entering, he nodded by way of greeting and continued doing his work._

_“Percy, do you have a bit of time? I have some I want to talk to you about,” Newt fidgeted nervously with his fingers, trying to keep his face stern, “It’s something important.”_

_The light from the fireplace became stronger and the temperature of the room rose with it. Graves put down his quill and faced Newt, his deep voice serious, “Did you bring illegal creatures across the borders again?”_

_“No.”_

_“Did something escape from your suitcase, then?”_

_“No, that’s not it,” Newt saw that Graves wasn’t convinced and quickly continued, “This doesn’t have anything to do with creatures or any laws. It’s about you. And our relationship.”_

_Graves sat in silence for a moment, and then, in a steady voice, “What is it?”_

_His eyes were dark and glinting like gemstones of the deepest shade. Newt could feel Grave’s heavy gaze drawing him in, his eyes deep as twin black holes. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to look away once he met them, Newt avoided Grave’s eyes cautiously as he spoke, “It’s just - have you noticed that you’re, um,” he stumbled, trying to find the right words, “- a flirt?” (6)_

_Graves furrowed his brow slightly, “A...flirt?”_

_“The erumpent in my case, you know, enters into estrus at simple provocation,” Newt quickly reverted to his area of expertise in order to explain his meaning, “When she scents the pheromones of an eligible male in the area, she enters into mating behavior. It doesn’t matter if the party is even of the same species or not - she becomes completely uncontrollable. Shaking her head, blinking repeatedly, and rolling onto her back to appear attractive, because for her, male pheromones are irresistible. I think you have a similar effect on people. They’d willingly fall right into your arms - if you asked them to risk their lives for you, they’d do it - well, ah, I know you’d never make anyone do such a thing, of course, but um, I just. I just wish you could sort of, rein it in, a bit?”_

_Graves raised a finger to his lips, lightly shushing, indicating that Newt had said enough._

_Newt almost blurted out that this was exactly what he meant by his previous speech; but his words died in his throat under the power of Graves’ casual yet effective gesture._

_“I admit that during my interactions with people, I have done things to encourage closeness: supportive words, appropriate praise where it’s due, casual physical contact and so forth, but I do not purposefully employ these tactics in order to control people. Furthermore, I do not believe I can influence people to the degree you described,” As he spoke, Graves stepped around the desk, stopping in front of Newt, and continued casually, “Or else, why would you have so many objections regarding my case decisions? Hm?”_

_Newt unconsciously stepped back, his heart thundering in his chest. “I - I’m not talking professionally - I mean, in personal matters,” he said, still staring staunchly at his fingers, “It’s not just me. Last time at that hotel, and you went to get the room key from the front desk, didn’t you see the way the receptionist looked at you after you left? She looked completely - enamored, Percy! After just one simple meeting, she was head over heels for you. Doesn’t that prove something?”_

_Graves closed the distance between the two of them, his face only a short breadth’s distance from Newt’s. He leaned in, turning Newt’s question back around on him, “Does it? They do say, falling in love makes a man more attractive. Are you jealous, Artemis?”_

_Poor Newt; his face flushed so red that he couldn’t make a single sound. Graves placed his hand onto Newt’s shoulders, massaging them slowly. Bit by bit, Newt’s muscles relaxed and he started to unconsciously lean into Graves’ touch, as if asking for more._

_The warm hand, that at the same time rooted him in place but also kept him upright, fell to the side._

_“It’s late,” Graves turned and sat back down behind his work desk, “You should go to bed first. I’ll be here for a while longer.”_

_Feeling like a prey animal who had just been toyed with, Newt, who had been expecting a kiss, was suddenly shaken out of his reverie. He mumbled a good night and teetered away, still feeling like he was floating._

_Though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander felt like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, his heart full of yearning, yet too scared to take the first step._

“Oh honey,” Queenie sighed, “If you had only held out ‘til the end, you wouldn’t have gotten steamrolled like that.”

“You have to strike first! Take a stand,” Tina stirred her tea with fervor, her spoon clinking loudly with the edges of her cup, “Like that time you faced the obscurus, or that time you entrusted your case to me. Be brave!”

“You can do it,” Jacob agreed, “You’ve been to all sorts of dangerous places all over the world, stood your ground against a raging erumpent, and even dragons, of all things. You should let Graves see this macho side of you - I’m sure he’ll be staggered.”

Newt felt cheered by their kind words and thanked them for it, but the momentary happiness drained from his face as he continued with his explanations, “Unfortunately, I don’t think that’ll work…”

_It was late night, the sky was dark, and the ground was muddy and slippery from the rain. A sudden ambush caught him off guard and Newt lost his balance, his whole body was thrown to the side where he hit the ground, rolling a good distance before he dragged himself up on one knee to shoot a spell back at his attacker._

_The perpetrator had vanished by the time Graves arrived, who then asked if Newt had gotten hurt. Newt deflected his questions, saying that he had managed to avoid the attack. He didn’t want Graves to worry, and Graves believed him._

_By the time he returned to his case, Newt was covered in cold sweat from pain. He gripped the counter as he sat to examine his injury. The knee area of his pants were torn and the skin was red and swollen. There was a deep bloody gash left by sharp gravel from the street. Newt clenched his teeth to avoid letting out any noise that could catch Graves’ attention. His hands shook uncontrollably as he grasped the medicine bottle as he tried to pour it onto the wound. He had managed to miss the gash several times when a heavy hand grasped his wrist._

_He hadn’t noticed Graves come into the case. “Allow me,” Graves said as he took hold of the bottle._

_Newt hung his head guiltily, feeling very much like a naughty child caught in the act. Graves knelt on one knee, leaning down to closely observe his wound. He gently shook the healing powder onto the bloody area, his movements gentle the entire time. Newt’s shaking lessened with the pain. Under the application of some well placed cleaning spells, his clothes were returned to their original state. By then the wound had already closed and was scabbing over._

_The silence was suffocating. Newt wanted to lighten the atmosphere, but he didn’t know what Graves was thinking under that composed expression, so he felt a bit lost for words._

_Nevertheless, Newt felt that he had to say something. “I get injured frequently,” he began. Graves glanced at him calmly, indicating that he was listening. At this, Newt let out a relieved breath, continuing, “This is nothing, really. When I was in the Congo, I helped an Angola lioness through labor. She was in a bad mood and almost bit my head off, but fortunately I managed to duck and she only caught my hand.” As he spoke, Newt pointed out a ropy scar on his arm, and smiled happily at the memory of the successfully delivered lion cub, “That’s how I got this.”_

_Graves followed his gaze to the scar standing out in stark relief on the otherwise unmarked skin. He knew it would be there forever, and in the future, it might be joined with new ones. Graves also had scars of his own, so he knew that to leave a scar of this level, Newt was definitely downplaying the severity of the injury that had precipitated it. But he also knew, that all of this - the danger, the scars, the nonchalance - were an indispensable part of Newt._

_Graves lightly ran his hand over the uneven bumpy surface of the scar tissue, gaze distant as if he were looking through Newt. Newt’s breath hitched from the tender and loving touch. Before Graves removed his hand, he leaned down and pressed a butterfly kiss onto the skin. Newt blinked from the suddenly burning he felt behind his eyes, as well as in the place Graves had kissed._

_“I’ll let it pass this time. Next time, please don’t hide it from me,” Graves said, his voice not brooking refusal but also gentle in equal measure. “Artemis, don’t you know?” He said, his voice low and soft, almost like a sigh, “When you get hurt, I feel it too.”_

_Though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander, like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, didn’t know how to respond other than throwing his arms around the other man and using all his strength to embrace him._

“........................................and so on,” Newt trailed off. He of course, left out the part when they had ended up in bed together and Graves had been unusually, ahem, _passionate_.

“Is there too much sugar in the tea??” Tina put down her teacup, giving up on her plan of counteracting the cloying sweetness of Newt’s stories with physical sweets.

“Tina, there’s nothing extra in the tea.” Queenie didn’t have time to indulge her sister’s fits of feeling. She considered for a moment, “What if we approached this from another angle? You turn up the heat and give Graves a taste of his own medicine. See how he takes it. It’s not like you ever argue anyway, so it should be fine.”

“But we do argue,” Newt interrupted.

This surprised the pair of sisters. They were both long time employees of MACUSA and had never seen Graves in a rage; at most he became cold and short with them.

“Over what?” Tina perked up with curiously.

“Graves is human too, of course he gets angry,” Newt was surprised at the Goldsteins’ reactions. “I forget exactly what we argued about, but it was just before dinner…”

_“Just like you said, Scamander, we both need to calm down and think this through.” Graves was holding his coat in his arms, his voice remained calm and collected._

_Newt thought he was going to disappear, but instead, Graves stormed into the kitchen and came out after a few minutes with a plate of steaming pasta in his hands. He placed it in front of Newt coldly and even used his wand to call over a fork and placed it next to the plate, in case Newt refused to eat. Throughout this entire affair, he didn’t say a single word to Newt, and then he apparated away._

_The steam rising from the hot pasta made Newt’s eyes go watery; he scrubbed at them and then resolved to go after his runaway lover. After all, he didn’t want Graves to go hungry._

“.............................”

“.............................”

“.............................”

 

* * *

 

Their talk started to slowly wind down as the time approached six o’clock. When the hour struck, the doorbell rang and Jacob hurried off to answer. Outside stood a middle aged gentleman, sophisticated and handsome, with a poised and refined demeanor. His gaze was stern and his eyes sharp, but not hostile.

“Is Newt here?” He asked politely, his deep voice as intoxicating as the finest rum.

With the man’s identity self evident, Jacob stood by to let him pass. When they brushed shoulders, Jacob smelled a faintly bitter and earthy fragrance. Though it wasn’t in vogue for men to use perfumes, Jacob felt that it was nevertheless a pleasant smell.

Graves strode in quickly, greeting the Goldstein sister simply, and came to a stop in front of Newt. He wound Newt’s scarf back around his neck, rubbed his chilled hands, and blew on them to help warm them up before smoothly tucking them into his large coat pocket, grasped in his own. The familiarity with which this series of movements were completed was smooth as running water. Even Jacob felt his face heat up and heartbeat quicken. Queenie’s heart fluttered as well. Tina watched after her friend as he left, knowing that truly, he was completely and utterly done for.

The couple slowly disappeared from view, their voices becoming more and more faint. The group couldn’t hear what Graves said, but then suddenly, though he was a fully grown man of thirty-one years, Newt Scamander, like a blushing maiden experiencing love for the first time, tilted his head and passionately kissed his lover beside him.

As the two dark silhouettes combined to form a complete whole, Tina finally felt that that she could safely tell her foolish boss, that no, he needn’t worry at all. There really was nothing troubling Newt. All those strange actions, those were just the last lingering bits of an unconscious, unnecessary hesitancy, all pertaining to Graves himself.

So next time, _please_ refrain from sending her on these thankless errands concerning exceedingly personal matters, for which she received no other reward but a toothache and a churning stomach, Tina begged in her mind,  _please_. 

 

* * *

 

**EPILOGUE**

In time, this particular issue came to a head as a result of a particular well known, all-purpose magical creature.

As a result of Graves’ overwhelming charms (and pheromones), the erumpent went into heat early and couldn’t help but charge at him, planning to consummate a passionate love affair between man and beast every time Graves appeared in front of her. Thus Graves was banned from Newt’s case for several weeks until he learned to reign himself in.

**Author's Note:**

> TRANSLATION NOTES
> 
> *the original title is 男朋友太会撩怎么办, which roughly translates to “What to do when your boyfriend is too Flirty/Seductive/Charming/Teasing.” 撩 is one of those words better described by what it does to you rather than what exactly it is. It makes your heart flutter and your cheeks flush, but still maintains a playful and lighthearted air. Now imagine that as a single English verb. Now imagine me, tearing my hair out trying to translate it. Flirty would imply some sort of cheating, or dealing with jealousy, but that's not it. Seductive would make it all about sex, but that's not it either. Teasing....is not romantic enough, by itself. So I settled on charming. For a good few hours at the end I titled it 'The Expert's Guide to Seduction' or 'What To Do When Your Boyfriend is Too Hot to Handle' because I felt it was tongue-in-cheek and funny but I think it may miss the mark too much. So I'll deal with an awkward title. 
> 
> (1) The feeling of being a third wheel is described as 被闪, literally ‘blinded’ with the overwhelming light emanating from PDA and love/intimacy. Imagine the streaks of light in shoujo manga when the hero winks, that’s the kind of feeling. But that’s not a thing we say in English, is it! Ergo, ‘nauseated’. Tina’s really a decent sort and she’s under a lot of stress here. I hope I made her out to be the lovely, exasperated, hard working, modern 20th century woman she is. It’s hard to be the only single one in the middle of two happy couples but Tina handles it with grace!
> 
> (2) There is obviously no actual goblin in the original text, but I went along with the feeling of the text more than the actual words. It’s originally the ‘upstanding and moral’ part of Tina, but that made the whole thing sound a lot more serious than it actually was. It’s a joke, so I changed it to the tiny gremlin-goblin in everyone’s minds, giving out bad advice.
> 
> (3) There are frequent references to Percival’s overwhelming hormones in the original text, but I think in English it would be more accurate to say pheromones and while it wasn’t reading awkward at all in Chinese, it felt weird to write in English? Maybe that’s just a personal thing, I don’t know. So about half the parts referring to Percival’s ‘overwhelming amount of pheromones’ became something to do with charm, attractiveness etc. but I did leave a good amount in there. Especially about the erumpent.
> 
> (4) I read this bit several times and didn’t really understand why the author brought up Grindelwald. Perhaps because original Percival would never do such a thing, and GrindelGraves would be extra like that? Idk. **EDIT** Heard from the original writer that this part meant as part of his attempt to pass as Graves, Grindelwald even went so far as to take on all his extra charismatic/charming elements. So we can only imagine, how extra Graves is in his day to day life. I wonder how many aurors are smitten with him as well. 
> 
> (5) I think ‘homosexual’ was the most neutral term Theseus could have used at the time. Was it very new and probably not yet in common use? By the 1930s is was, so close enough, I guess! Plenty of anachronisms here anyway - the term 'pheromones' weren't in use until the 1950s. The original Chinese is 同性恋, which is a completely neutral term as far as I know, and not slang. 
> 
> (6) Oh my god there’s that word again ‘撩拨‘. I went through so many variations but for the lighthearted and humorous tone, I settled on ‘flirt’. I imagine it’d be deeply disturbing (but also funny) for Percival to hear himself described that way. 
> 
> Anyway, there are a bunch of areas where it would be more accurate to say, I localized instead of doing a strict play by play translation. So any confusion in the text would also be my fault. If there are any parts that are unclear or need clarification, please let me know! I’d be happy to explain (and brainstorm edits, maybe). I did try to keep up the balance of swoony romance vs comedic, lighthearted vibe, so hopefully at least that came through. 
> 
> I leave you with the original author’s final notes:
>
>> Actually Graves is really innocent; he didn’t know he was seducing people! I’d let him do me too, tbh 
>> 
>> Originally I just wanted to sit down and write some flirting, but under the context of an established relationship, but I couldn’t help myself and wrote a bunch of fluff. They will be very very happy together TT
>> 
>> I hope every fic finds you in good health, peace, and happiness.


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